Too late to say goodbye: the tragic tendency to appreciate others only after they die
It’s strange how we, as people, tend to place so much importance on someone only after they’re gone. When they’re alive, we often take their presence for granted, caught up in our own routines, assuming they’ll always be there. But when death comes, suddenly, the person is transformed in our minds — memories flood in, and we talk about their qualities, how much they meant to us, and the impact they had. It’s like we wake up to their value only after it’s too late to express it to them.
Why we do wait? Why do we let ourselves get so distracted by the daily grind that we forget to appreciate the people we care about while they’re still here? It’s almost as if the finality of death forces us to reflect, to look back with a sense of loss that’s not just about the person being gone, but about all the moments we could have cherished more deeply.
I wonder if we could change that — if we could shift our focus now, while we still have the chance. To tell the people we love them, express gratitude, and make time for those connections, instead of waiting until death shocks us into realizing what we had all along. Death has a way of reminding us how fleeting life is, but maybe we don’t have to wait for that reminder to appreciate the people who matter most.
It’s a tough realization, really — knowing we often don’t give people their flowers while they can still smell them. We hold back words of affection, avoid the vulnerability of telling someone how much they mean to us, or simply assume there’s always going to be more time. But the truth is, life doesn’t always offer second chances, and sometimes, we’re left with regrets. Regrets of unsaid words, missed calls, or moments we didn’t spend together because we thought there would be another.
It’s like we forget that people are living, breathing reminders of what’s important: love, connection, and time. Yet, it takes something as irreversible as death to snap us out of our haze. We gather at funerals, share stories, post heartfelt messages, and wish we had done more. The question is — why wait? Why does it take a tragedy to honor someone’s life when we could be celebrating it while they’re still here?
I’ve often wondered if it’s because, deep down, we’re uncomfortable with the fragility of life. Maybe acknowledging someone’s importance to us while they’re alive feels like confronting the fact that one day, they won’t be. Or maybe it’s easier to stay on the surface, not dig into those emotions until the weight of loss forces us to. But living like that, only waking up to someone’s value when they’re gone, doesn’t seem right. Maybe we could shift the narrative, and focus on the people around us now, instead of waiting until we’re left only with memories. Because when you think about it, the moments we have now are the most valuable. They’re opportunities to be real, to be present, to show up for the people we love, rather than just remembering to do so when they’re no longer here.
We can choose to live differently — to tell people how much they mean to us, to make space for those connections, and to not take anyone for granted. It’s not always easy in a world that moves so fast, but maybe it’s one of the most important things we can do. Because in the end, it’s not the things we accumulate or the goals we achieve that matter most — it’s the people we hold close. And if we start appreciating them now, while they’re still here, maybe we’ll find we have fewer regrets when the inevitable does come.
